Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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