Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize