Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
