i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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