God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
