Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize