at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
