respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Randomize
