I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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