her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
