capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
