There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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