My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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