I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
