I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
