Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
