im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
