WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
