I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
