There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
