I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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