if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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