My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
