I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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