Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
