found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
