I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
