You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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