I accidentally had phone sex last night
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
