Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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