having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
