FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
