Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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