i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
