careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize