Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize