im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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