i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
