Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
