was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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