One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Dignity is for republicans.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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