Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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