so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
