From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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