Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
