just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
