I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
