spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
