Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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