so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
