So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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