i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
