I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
