Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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