I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
