Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
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