So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
