I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
