I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
