Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
