Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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