so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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