i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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