the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
