she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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