i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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