mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
