jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
