Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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