keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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