Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
