I wish I only lived at night.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
