I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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