3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
BRING THE BAGELS
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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