The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
