cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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