"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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