wat bout pragnant strippers??
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
